I knew a coach who would frequently say, “There’s no failure, only feedback,” anytime someone experienced a setback. I remember hearing it for the first time at a very young age, before life handed me several tough challenges to reckon with. Reflecting on my younger self, I think I found his saying interesting when I heard it, but beyond that, I didn’t do too much with it.
Fast forward twenty-five years and oh, the lessons I’ve learned and the experiences I’ve had:
Losses.
Layoffs.
Break-ups.
Rejections.
Rebuffs.
No’s.
Failures.
Change. And more change. Constant Change.
I’ve been going through a rough patch of late, and found myself ruminating and asking myself why something happened. After marinating on it for a great deal of time, I realized I am not going to have an answer, or at least the answer that will provide closure, and the time to feel sorry for myself was over. It was time to move forward.
Leaning into that realization, I’ve tried something new. I’ve now started to embrace seeing rejection not as a failure, but as feedback; meaning:
These people are not my people.
This gig is not my gig.
This place is not my place.
So far, I like this new experiment. I feel like I woke up from a big sleep—a really long dream, where I was in a different world that I didn’t like.
I helped myself get unstuck from a pattern of thinking and feeling that really wasn’t serving me and was robbing me of the physical, mental and emotional energy for other important elements of my life.
I’ve started reciting the applicable phrase above when something doesn’t work out (e.g. this place is not my place). It’s served as a grounding, centering mantra that liberates me, gives me hope, and creates the solid foundation for me to stand up, to stand tall and to move on.
